What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
