if you like me you must not know who I am
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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