Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize