I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
