Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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