This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no you cant smoke seaweed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
