Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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