I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
