thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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