I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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