Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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