He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
