Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
