is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
