i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
