the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's never too late to be topless.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
