i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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