I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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