She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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