flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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