So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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