best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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