the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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