Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
