Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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