Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize