barbara walters just said penis...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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