I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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