you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
