i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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