There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
