This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to make out with him forever
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
