dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
