I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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