I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
