dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
