Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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