i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
