I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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