Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
