hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
did you just send me my own nude
Randomize
