so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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