God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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