Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
