bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
