i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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