If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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