Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
