You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
