I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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