did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
