You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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