Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
