Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
