im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize