Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
