Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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