Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
