That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
