I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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