Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
