Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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