Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
