I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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