just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize