Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
