...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
