I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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