When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
