his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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