you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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