How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
