I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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