Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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