OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
