We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
