Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
