I wannas sexs uuuuu
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
