I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
