Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
