a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
