right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
