I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
