Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
