I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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