is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
