Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
