It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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