So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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