she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
