he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
