physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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