You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
