UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I cut my penus on the lid.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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