When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
