I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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