remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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