i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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