I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
