I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
