I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
