I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
