Your mouth is God's brothel.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
