if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
