My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
