What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
