Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
