I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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